By JAMIE SHANKS of the Weyburn Review
Don't know much - but when I was a kid I did learn two things.
ONE: you mess with the bull and you're gonna get the horns. Still true today. TWO: to kill a zombie you have to destroy the brain. Ideally by getting it in the head. Like with a gun.
That's a lesson from the George A. Romero Academy of Cinema, which spares nothing in its effort to give you the most for your undead dollar. After thrilling the world with the classic Night of the Living Dead back in the '60s, George A. knew a sweet racket when he saw one and mined this lucrative supernatural vein for years after. Nothing he has ever pumped out, however, comes close to his epic Dawn of the Dead.
I recently snagged a letterboxed director's cut of this retro gem, and let me just state for the record here and now that I dream of the day when all video movies are widescreen. When a movie isn't widescreen, it's like eating a bucket of chicken without the side of slaw: you're missing something vitally important.
Anyway, Dawn of the Dead brings new meaning to the phrase "magnum opus" by packing more firepower than the South Saskatchewan Regiment. Let's face it - when the planet is running amok with ravenous cadavers, pepper spray and BB guns just aren't going to cut the mustard.
For those of you who may have tragically missed this film, take your seats while I turn down the house lights and raise the curtain on this cinematic pearl.
Society is falling apart under an onslaught of man-eating zombies. Amid the chaos, a pair of SWAT cops decide to bolt for somewhere safe by hooking up with a reporter whose boyfriend happens to be a helicopter pilot. They eventually land on the roof of a giant shopping mall out in the 'burbs and fortify the building by clearing out all the zombies and barricading the entrances, thus setting up their own private little consumer Shangri-la.
Great. Unfortunately, one of those roving biker gangs so common in these movies comes roving along and busts inside in search of booty, ransacking the joint. To make things worse, an army of zombies comes rumbling after them and eats anybody they can get their hands on.
The end is near. The boyfriend is now a zombie. One of the cops is dead. The girlfriend is going to split in the chopper but the other cop, who has been the heroic leader throughout, tells her to leave without him. He sits and watches the zombies slowly close in around him. He pulls out his derringer and prepares to do himself in
Suddenly he jumps up, lets the nearest creature have both barrels and starts battling his way out of there with everything he's got! He makes it to the roof just in time and they escape. One cannot help but choke on one's popcorn with emotion at this rousing finale, and at the tender age of 12 I was actually on my feet and cheering with every air sac my lungs could empty.
Of course I just ruined it for you, but check it out.
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