Ernestly ?!Ernestly ?!By ERNIE NEUFELD, Weyburn Review Associate Publisher
"There is running water in Brainerd but the phone lines consist of two cups and a string", the little Minnesota city's chief of police told a caller whose curiosity was aroused by the movie Fargo. The Brainerd Dispatch also web-published a stipulation that Chief Frank Ball was not pregnant.
Puzzled by a statement at the beginning of the movie indicating that it was based on a true story, a caller asked co-producer Ethan Coen when and where the multiple murders had taken place. He replied (according to the Dispatch), "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Noting that old films, however terrible, at least provide future generations a window into the past through which they may glimpse the manners and morals of a previous culture, the Dispatch wondered editorially what people will think if they see Fargo 50 years from now.
"What an important educational tool our descendants will get!
"Imagine the opportunity to see people get shot in the head, the face, the back and the belly.
"Glory at the thought of seeing a man get attacked with an ax and fed into a wood chopper.
"Thrill to the spectacle of watching an American Indian rough up a prostitute, beat up a black man and whip another man with his belt while bellowing curses at the top of his voice.
"Appreciate the humor of a bound and blindfolded kidnap victim making a pathetic attempt to escape while her delighted abductors look on, taunting and laughing.
"Treasures like these abound in Fargo, and it's all true! Right. But the film's depiction of a typical Brainerd resident is particularly illuminating a vapid moron presumably the product of inbreeding by a 100 per cent Scandinavian population.
"It would be shameful if something happened to prevent this cultural icon from being preserved forever, such as a film vault fire where the last remaining copy is stored.
"Anybody got a match?"
The foregoing is offered in self-defense. Two generations of my clan have at least implied I lack a sense of humor, which raises the suspicion that I also may seem thus impaired to readers of this column. This fear arises from my critical review (panning) of the movie over a year ago, shortly after viewing it, and learning that it had earned seven Academy Award nominations.
Wrote I in indignation: "That anyone should even be considered for an award I can only attribute to the fact that everything about the movie was so far below acceptable - something that might merit third prize in a Grade 7 level production - that anyone who rose above ... it all must have caught the eye of the judges through contrast." A few months later I learned from kin generationally separated from me that it had been a comedy and an uproariously funny one at that.
What probably threw me off is that I have long held a Hollywood comedy begins with the slain already in that condition when the movie opens, while horror, suspense, dramatic and romantic productions offer the violence on camera. In Fargo, after the opening statement that the film was based on a true story (which I now admit is obviously a joke), there were three brutal, completely senseless killings within the first five minutes or so. There were four subsequent murders.
Wondering how I might have missed the humor, I vowed to view it again at the next opportunity. So not long ago, it was on the tube, and I treated myself to a re-viewing of the first half. Sure I laughed as I did the first time around because it was so ridiculous.
Determined to get a wider opinion, or seek company for my humorless misery, I e-mailed the Brainerd Daily Dispatch, and was directed to a special web page set up to satisfy inquiries from all over the world. It also offered samplings of local and incoming opinion about Fargo. Examples appear in the opening paragraphs, although I admit there were also accolades from individuals with a more sensitive funny bone than mine. Check it out yourself at www.brainerddispatch.com.
By the way, an e-mail to the Dispatch from the University of Dublin asked about the origins of the name Brainerd, and whether the town is a popular tourist spot. "If not, we believe it should be!"
I discovered from the town's web page that the town has a population of 12,700, and was named for the maiden name of the wife of the president of the railway company which developed the area. The president's name was Smith, and I suppose Smithville was just too common.
My address (also listed on the Review's Website) is ernestly@pathcom.com.
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